No parent enters parenthood fully aware and prepared for the surprises parenthood brings. If all parents had a crash-course on parenthood, it would have been one of the easiest things to do. That is why when parents begin to notice that their child is ignoring the rules, they begin to panic as well.
The inevitable time will come when that cute little baby that you have nurtured and cuddled through the night becomes a determined preschooler who screams at you and demands that you turn the TV on, “right now”. Seeing your child act like that the first time could make you think back and evaluate if you have done something wrong to get that much hate from your kid. Although the emotion could be real, hatred is not exactly what your child feels.
It is understandable to feel violated and disrespected when your child yells at you or say something rude. It could be a real challenge to manage your emotions and not take things personally, in the same breath that it could be a challenge not to get your feelings hurt.
But if it is any consolation, it is actually a good sign that your child begins to challenge your rules and attempts to demand what they want. When your child breaks your heart without worrying about you not loving them afterwards actually means a developmental milestone. But still, it does not mean that the behavior is acceptable.
Parents have varying standards as far as discipline and acceptable behaviors are concerned, so you have to get to work and identify what feels acceptable and unacceptable to you.
When you hear your child say, “I hate you!” in a firm and loud voice, breathe and relax. Do not take it personally because actually, what he is trying to say is something like “I’m hungry or I’m exhausted or I’m scared” and so on.
Instead of making a fuss about it and taking it seriously, try some active listening and communication techniques so that you will be able to indentify what your child truly feels while letting him know that his saying it wrong. Try not to negate what your child said or you will end up in a power struggle, or give his words more power than they should have.
So when your child tells you something rude next time, say in a calm voice, “I know that you are upset because I won’t let you eat the cake before dinner, but yelling at me like that is wrong”. When you let your child know what is acceptable from otherwise, you will be in control and you will be able to reinforce your child’s boundaries without letting your emotions get in the way.
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